STREETSMARTS

Celebrating your personal independence.

Created by: Sam Mechling

WINO: Carl Hanley
SMELLS LIKE: an electric fire at a pig farm
PERSONAL QUOTE: "You ever eat chicken salad made of chicken sh*t?!?

STREETWALKER: Jazmin Dunn
TASTES LIKE: A dead sea otter covered in crude oil
NICKNAME: "Dust Ruffles"

WINO:
"Huge a$$hole? I'll tell you who has a huge a$$hole: Jazmin Goddamn Dunn!!! I head that thing is so huge, if you put your ear up next to it, you can hear the sound of the ocean!!!"

Allyson, a hostess from Dyer asks: Recently I broke up with my boyfriend of five years because I caught him cheating on me. Do you have any advice on how to get over a huge a$$hole like my ex?

STREETWALKER:
"He's RIGHT! I rode The Batman Ride at Six Flags with my mini skirt on!!! The air kept whistlin' over it, and it sounded like somebody blowing on the top of a Coke bottle!!!"

WINO:
"Sh*t, you should have seen the contraband my cellmate used to hide inside me while I was in the joint. The guards used to call me "Mr. Potato Head", because once, during a cavity search, a fake mustache and a pair of sunglasses fell out of my damn backside!!!"

John, an electrician from Merriville asks: Last month I was released from prison after serving a three-year sentence. Now that I am free, how am I supposed to live with the terrible thingsthat happened to me while I was in there?

STREETWALKER:
"Ooooh, baby. One time, the women in my cell block were brewin' homemade sangria in a toilet and my dumb-ass flushed it on accident. LORD! They beat me so bad; my face looked like Precious if she had an allergic reaction to a goddamn bee sting!!"

WINO:
"Awww f**k your story, peckerwood! Last Spring, I drank so much Listerine, the cops found me in a nursing home trying to dry-hump a 92 year old retired teacher. One of the detectives said it looked like a "mummy fight"!!!"

Travis, a DJ from Hammond, asks: I had a very traumatic experience involving crystal meth and I've been drug free ever since. Do you think I should share my story with others to help them?

STREETWALKER:
"That's all you got? Back in 1984, at "Monsters of Rock", I ate so much Demerol; I puked, pissed and shat myself simultaneously. I ain't kidding! I looked like a goddamn Play-Doh Spaghetti Factory!!!"